![]() Currently, he may see you as standing between him and his advancement. Can you get past these feelings? And what would be the benefits of an improved relationship? Would these benefits be worth the investment of your time and ego? If you decide to move forward, then see if you can find common ground through a Mutual Purpose.Įven though it might be tempting to write off this employee, try to imagine a mutual purpose. Do you really want to restore your relationship? You probably have your own resentments over the employee’s behavior. Ask yourself what you really want, long-term, for yourself, for your employee, and for your working relationship. You won’t be able to restore your relationship with him until you decide that you want to. The second is to increase your empathy and understanding-to soften your heart toward the other person. When we ask you to examine your story, we have two goals: The first is to help you see the bigger picture and to examine the facts from all perspectives. Is it possible that there is more to this particular story? Ask yourself, “Is there anything I did at the time of the promotion or since the promotion that might cause a reasonable, rational, and well-intentioned person to respond the way he is?” ![]() Often, these clever stories tell only our side of the story. For example, is he taking extra care to clarify his accomplishments because he believes you or others have overlooked them in the past? If so, is he right about that? Could there be other reasons?Ī “clever story” is an explanation or conclusion we tell ourselves that makes us look good, makes the other person look bad, or that justifies retaliation or bad behavior on our part. Ask yourself if there are any other reasons that might explain them. What are the facts behind this story? You mention his change in demeanor, his efforts to clarify his accomplishments, and his ending of any small talk. The story you and I are telling ourselves is that your employee resents your promotion and that this resentment is impacting his behavior towards you. But please allow me to challenge this conclusion at least a bit. In this case, it sounds as if your employee continues to have issues about your promotion. Because of this, others know-or have a pretty good idea-what we are thinking and feeling, even when we try to keep it to ourselves. In Crucial Conversations, we observe that “If you don’t talk it out, you’ll act it out.” As humans, our emotions leak into our expressions, our tone of voice, and our actions. Below, I’ll outline some ideas you might try. Sometimes, you’ll discover that you’ve misread the situation or that you can repair the damage and recover a valuable employee. Sometimes, there is more going on than meets the eye. He will never get another pay raise or promotion as long as I work here.”Īs a leader, it’s tempting to write off a pouting employee, to work around the person, or to push them out. One leader told me, “An employee, who was a bit tipsy at a holiday party, gave me what he might have thought was a compliment: ‘Even though I’ve never thought you should have gotten your promotion, I have to say that you’re doing a really good job.’ He’ll probably never know it, but that was the end of his career here. I often see leaders write off employees like yours. ![]() I’ve tried to sit down and discuss the matter, but to no avail. I want to discover the issue and find some common ground. He continues to be a productive member of the team, and makes it clear when he accomplishes a task, but avoids me since the promotion. We used to chat all the time about topics unrelated to work, but not anymore. He was the person I worked closest with when I first came on board. He has changed his entire demeanor towards me. One of the program managers has taken significant issue with my promotion. ![]() I have been with the company about two years and am the newest member of the team. I have recently been promoted and am now responsible for a group of program managers and their projects. ![]()
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